I Don’t Like You – Trust and how to Deal with the Toughest Form of Resistance

One thing Project Managers most fear is resistance from one or more of your stakeholders. And one form of resistance is particularly hard to deal with. They may not say it outright. But the resistance amounts to something plain and simple: blunt even: ‘I don’t like you.’ And this is all about trust.

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How can you deal with ’I don’t like you’?

I don’t like you is a tricky one to deal with. It feels so… personal.

It may not be you

The first step is to recognize that it may not be you. It may just be something you represent to that stakeholder. Like authority, disruption, or a smart young professional with less experience than them.

But what if something about you means they don’t like you?

Well, the answer lies in what sort of relationship you need. The important thing is not that they like you. Rather it’s that they trust you. 

My tool for solving this puzzle is the Trust Equation

It was devised by David Maister, Charles Green, and Robert Galford. You’ll find it in their fabulous book, ‘The Trusted Advisor’.  

The Trust Equation relates the trust your stakeholder has in you to four factors:

1. Your Credibility
   That is, your professional expertise and experience.
2. Your Reliability
   The degree they feel you will do as you say you will.
3. The Intimacy between you and that stakeholder
   That is, how comfortable they feel in sharing information with you.
4. Your Self-orientation
   This is the degree to which they think your actions arise from self-interest.

So, Trust (T) is given by:

T = (C + R + I) / S

In the face of ‘I don’t like you’

Your response is to understand which elements of the trust equation are weak. My experience is that the trust issues on a project are often:

• Credibility
  I don’t believe the changes are right.
• Reliability
  You aren’t keeping me as well-informed about progress as I’d like
• Intimacy
  You haven’t built a strong enough relationship with me
• Self-orientation
  I don’t trust the motives of the organization

But, once you understand where trust is leaking away, you can start to address the issue, and build it up.

Recommended Videos

Carefully curated video recommendations for you:

• Being Trusted: Top 8 Ways to Win and Maintain Trust | Video
• Trusted Project Manager: 5 Habits to Build Trust | Video
• Why Resistance is a Good Thing | Video

Videos about Trust, from our Sister YouTube Channel, Management Courses…

• The Trust Equation – Gravitas needs Trust
• How to Build Trust. And Why it Matters in Influence & Persuasion
• Accelerate Team Development with Swift Trust
• Creating Trust in Remote Teams

Recommended Articles

• How to Handle Stakeholder Objections

What Kit does a Project Manager Need?

I asked Project Managers in a couple of forums what material things you need to have, to do your job as a Project Manager. They responded magnificently. I compiled their answers into a Kit list. I added my own. 

Check out the Kit a Project Manager needs

Note that the links are affiliated.

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