No one wants to be the bearer of bad news. But, sometimes you have to. So, let’s look at how to give bad news to your client, sponsor, or boss.
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Giving Bad News
Don’t Make the Bad News Worse
Two things can make bad news worse:
- Pretending it is not bad news, so your stakeholder feels ambushed when they realize it is.
- Making a big drama when you the news, so that the process feels more significant than the news itself – or worse, it feels to them as if you are making the moment to be about yourself.
Nothing will make the bad news better, so the best thing to do is to be quick and efficient about giving it, without being blunt and uncaring.
Give Fair Warning
It often helps to give a short warning of what is coming, so that your stakeholder can start to prepare themselves. This is also the honest thing to do, because they will probably sense something bad is coming from your demeanor. They may also suspect something is up from the timing and unexpectedness of your approach.
The Steps for Giving Bad News
- Sometimes physically preparing them is important, for their safety. Very disturbing news can literally ‘take the legs out from under us’. So:
‘I have some bad news. Why don’t you sit down?’ - Now, tell them the news directly:
‘We have found a serious flaw in the software that will set the project back at least 4 months and add over $350,000 to the cost.’ - Give them time to understand what you have said, in silence. Don’t try to accelerate this part, it is very important. It may take less than a second or many minutes. Give them time.
- Be ready to handle strong emotions. With bad news, this is a likely outcome. And give them time to respond as they choose. Listen to their response and avoid criticizing it – it is what it is, and it is theirs. Respect it. Once again, pause and give them time.
- It is not respectful to say “I know how you feel” because you don’t. But you can empathize by observing their words and behaviors, and saying something like:
‘I understand that this must make you feel very angry’ - If the response gets too hot, you may need to step away, but the most likely scenario is that it will cool down slowly, with time. If you just get angry, avoid confrontational face-to-face postures and too much eye contact, and allow them to let off some steam.
- Ask if they want a break or if they want to carry on the conversation. When they are ready, invite questions. When people are in a highly emotional state, their ‘rational’ brain loses control in favor of their ‘emotional’ brain, so they need you to take control of the process. This is not the same as taking control of them. Always be respectful in sensing how much control they need you to take.
- As the conversation comes to an end, offer whatever support you can, and leave them with a simple message about what’s next. It may be the next stage in the process, when you will speak again, or how they can contact you. Keep it simple, because their capacity to process and retain complex information may be compromised by focusing on the news.
- If appropriate, check in with them sometime later.
Tough Messages
Delivering a tough message is much like giving bad news, but without the intensity of emotional response. But there will be emotion, so it is important to break the message into bite-size chunks and listen, with intense attention, between each. Acknowledge any feelings they express.
Because the emotions are likely to be less intense, it can be appropriate to start on some future thinking once you have delivered the message. Work together to plan the right response to the information you have given them.
This advice is an extract from my book How to Speak so People Listen.
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Carefully curated video recommendations for you:
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