15 Vital Project Management Lessons I Needed to Learn from my Father

It’s been quite a while since my father died. But I have been thinking about him a lot lately. While many of us have learned valuable lessons from our parents, it is not a privilege we all share. However, my father taught me a lot. And here, I want to share 15 vital Project Management lessons he taught me.

This article is something of a re-print of a series of articles I wrote for my old blog site, over 10 years ago. They came shortly after my father’s sudden death.

Four Themes to the Project Management Lessons I Learned from my Father

I gathered the 15 lessons into four themes.

• Intuitive Project Management
• Generous Way
• Harmonious Way
• Careful Way

Intuitive Project Management Lessons

My father, Gerald Clayton, was not a Project Manager. Nor was he anything like it. 

He was, for most of his adult life, a shopkeeper.  Despite this, I realize I learned most of what is important to me about Project Management from him.

He wasn’t learned either.  Like many of his generation, he left school at 15.  But he was undoubtedly clever and, more important, wise.  Many people who knew him sought out his counsel and support. So, this article is a summation of the Project Management lessons I learned from dad.

The Other Project Management Triangle

Let’s not argue Time-Cost-Quality versus Time-Resources-Scope etc.  For me, the most fundamental PM triangle of all is the one that sets out the three components of what it takes to be a great Project Manager.

Delivering great projects requires three things:

1. Processes, Systems, and Procedures
   The selection of appropriately robust yet flexible processes to impose good control and governance. This is where you choose the type of Project Management that suits a situation, and you apply the right level of rigor to delivering it.
2. Tools, Techniques, and Methodologies
   Access to a big toolbox of techniques and methodologies, because, as previous owners of my house seem to have discovered, ‘If the only tool you have is a hammer, everything starts to look a lot like a nail’. This is where you get things done efficiently and effectively, day-to-day.
3. Attitudes, Values, and Approaches
   A set of attitudes, values, and approaches to project management that are compatible, not just with getting the job done, but with working well in the culture you find yourself in. This is where you bring your personal style to your Project Management practice.

The Third Corner of the Triangle

Project Management methodologies and formal training courses often focus on the first two of these corners.  Indeed, many of mine emphasise the tools and techniques corner, because that is what my clients want.

But I’ve heard it said that what makes the world champion golfer is not how they play golf, and the winner of tennis grand slams does not necessarily play the best tennis. 

Yes, they are world-class, but so are many of their peers. 

What marks them out as the best is what happens in their minds when they play.  Arguably, it is attitudes, values, and beliefs that distinguish the very best. It’s how they approach their discipline that makes the difference between the very best 4 or 5, and the 20 or so who, on paper, are at very much the same level of skill.

I don’t pretend to be in that class when it comes to Project Management. But I do want to say that we should all focus more on these aspects. That’s why so many of my articles and, in particular, videos are not about technical project management, but the other things we need to master.

Attitudes, Values, and Approaches

And, because he was not a Project manager, this is the corner where I learned most of my Project Management lessons from my dad.  I learned from other people too and maybe I will name them and share what they taught me some time soon.  But in this article, I will talk about what I learned from dad.

A Generous Way: Project Management Lessons from My Father’s Spirit

I think what most people thought of, when my father came to mind was his generosity of spirit. And there is a lot that it can teach us, as Project Managers.

Obliging

Being obliging and helping out when others need help is the ground zero of generosity. 

I do not see that as becoming a doormat to everyone’s needs and desires, but as a recognition that to help others is to enhance your own life. In the world of Positive Psychology, these choices are referred to as ‘Virtuous Practices’.

Some would see this as a cynical application of a reciprocation economy in which iI scratch your back” anticipates that you will scratch mine.  Some would see this as an idealistic philosophy from the movie, ‘Pay it Forward‘.

I think the evidence is that, not only has the pay it forward movement had considerable success, but that it helps you create change in the world around you.

Supportive and Trusting

This may sound a bit like motherhood and apple pie… But how many of us are truly supportive of the people we work with and share our lives with, without being critical of them. 

As a Project Manager, you have to allocate work packages and team roles to get the job done. And how you manage your relationships with the people who work for you will massively affect their performance.

One boss of mine took me to task over my decision to ‘allow’ a team-member to go home at 5pm, our notional end time, despite working on a high-pressure project, against tight deadlines.  Yet that team-member and I had signed off a work plan for his workstream that showed him delivering his products on deadline, without staying late. 

I thought it a fair deal that, while he was delivering to schedule, he should go home on time to be with his young family. This was regardless of the custom and practice at our firm to stay to 6 pm, 7 pm, or later.

Develop People’s Skills

Perhaps the greatest gift my parents gave me was one hundred percent support of learning. 

When we invest our time in supporting other people’s learning and skills, we grow the team’s capability and its commitment to us and the project.  It is an investment. And, as Project Manager, you must put something in, in terms of your time and allowing others time away from delivery. But I firmly believe that a balanced portfolio of investments in people will create impressive returns.

Celebrate Others’ Successes

It takes a real generosity of spirit for you to truly celebrate my success over your own.

But, in a project environment, it is a critical motivating strategy to ensure that individuals’ successes are acknowledged and celebrated.  This gives them the confidence to strive harder and create more success: a true virtuous cycle!

Integrity

Doing the right things is more important than doing things right.

It is the choices you make that will determine your success – or not – as a professional Project Manager: 

• Which project to work on
• …and which to decline? 
• What to do when we encounter problems
• …and how to handle tough personal conflicts. 

Ultimately it is all about knowing that your decisions, while not easy, and maybe not even correct, were ones you could defend and will never regret.

A Harmonious Way: Project Managememt Lessons for a Positive Mindset

Thinking back over how my father lived his life and how he came across to others, this is the area that has really grabbed me.  Over many years, I have been interested in the research field of Positive Psychology.  These five lessons could equally come from a book on that subject.

Accept what comes

My father was not a fatalist.  He had a very positive attitude to shaping his own future.  But he also knew when not to fight circumstances and to just get on with dealing with the world as it is. 

Who knows what an alternative future may look like, but I am more than happy with the life I have.  Not because my father encouraged me to accept the failure, but because he taught me to move on and take the opportunities that were there for me.

Thankful

One lesson from positive psychology has always stood out for me.  It is one my father embodied. 

All research shows that we are at our happiest when we take time, regularly, to reflect upon and acknowledge what we have to be thankful for. It is all too easy to dwell on our sorrows.

So, I can wholly recommend the process, for anyone going through a particularly tough patch, of keeping a ‘gratitude journal’.

Look forward to the future…

Philip Zimbardo is the Stamford psychologist who, famously, led the Stanford Prison Experiment.  His book, The Time Paradox: Using the New Psychology of Time to Your Advantage is about how we orient ourselves to time. In it, he and co-author, John Boyd, describe the Zimbardo Time Perception Inventory (ZTPI) and six psychological orientations that we have towards time. 

People with a future orientation readily delay gratification, putting off pleasure now to harvest a greater pleasure in the future.  My father was a planner – not in the sense of making grand plans, nor even documenting his plans as project managers do.  But his future orientation was clear in the way that he was always working towards a better future for himself and his family.

…and live in the present

Zimbardo and Boyd also identify three different orientations towards the present. They examine the shortcomings of a fatalistic and a hedonistic orientation:

• Fatalistic Present Orientation
  You cannot change things, so you may as well accept them as they are. This time orientation robs you of your sense of agency – that is, your ability to take meaningful action.
• Hedonistic Present Orientation
  At any moment in time, you have the choice to do whatever gives you the most immediate pleasure. This sounds great, until your choices rob you of the resources to make even the most basic of choices that will bring you comfort or even safety.

Zimbardo and Boyd then went on to look at how we can gain the benefits of a present orientation by living in each moment. This offers you the opportunity to savor what you have, and enjoy the life your choices and fortune have brought you.

The challenge for those of us with a strong future orientation (as I and many of my readers have) is that we often miss the joy of the present moment. When we get to the end of a day’s work early, many of us will see it as an opportunity to get a jump start on tomorrow’s work.

The danger with this is that, when we finish tomorrow’s work early, we will do the same, and so never harvest the benefits of our diligence.  My father knew how to stop and enjoy the moment. 

When your project is ahead of schedule, then use some of the time to celebrate that fact. The benefit of motivating your team and feeling mentally refreshed is enormous.

I know this: I wish I could act on it a little more often!

Know the value of things

Some people seem to know the cost of everything; yet the value of nothing. 

My father had a sharp sense of what was important and what was not. He knew when to spend money and when not to. One of the most important skills for a project manager is to know how to distinguish cost and value, and therefore make wise decisions when choosing what resources to deploy, to reach the end goal.

A Careful Way: Project Management Lessons from my Father’s Aversion to Unnecessary risk

So far, I have focused on how my father’s:

• Generosity of spirit can make for better projects, by treating people well and celebrating their successes
• Attitudes to life and to time can make us better project managers. 

We would recognize most of those lessons as coming from the world of Positive Psychology. He would not have recognized the term and would probably just have called it optimism and a positive outlook.

Lessons from Business

But, in addition to this, my father was a careful person. So, now we can get to the basics as far as project management is concerned. These are the most obviously relevant Project Mangament lessons and most of them reflect how he did business.  Dad built his own business from nothing, and I think these lessons will serve anyone looking to do the same.

Control Risk

One of my favorite stories that my dad told me concerned the first days of running his shop.  I could argue that this represents a demonstration of the old standby of the self-help movement: ‘fake it ‘til you make it.’ In truth, I am sure this was not his intent.  What he was focused on was managing his risk in a time of uncertainty.

He opened his shop (a hardware store, which explains my abiding love of all wood, tools, fastenings, and ironmongery) with very little capital. And, I am sure, he also had a determination to take no unnecessary risks. So, he used only savings to fund it, and took no debt.

But, what he did do, was that he negotiated with his suppliers the absolute minimum stock levels of each item. This allowed him to maximize the range of goods he could open the shop with.  However, he also persuaded the suppliers to send him a load of empty boxes, which he used to fill his shelves and create the appearance of a well-stocked shop.

Measure twice; cut once

I think this phrase comes from the tailoring profession, but I learned it from my father.  He used to cut up plywood, blockboard, hardboard, chipboard, and asbestos (yes, you read that correctly) to size for his customers, using a circular saw that he had for over 25 years, and used every day.  ‘Measure twice; cut once’ – what a great rule for so many aspects of project planning and delivery.

I have made a video, reflecting on this:

Everything Orderly

I learned my sense of order from my father. 

Everything was always where it belonged in his shop.  Boxes of screws were stacked in order of size, and work tools were kept in the toolbox. Hardware was displayed in logical groupings and stored on shelves in labeled boxes.  Rarely was there ever a delay in finding what the customer wanted.

Maybe that is why I find the 5S approach so appealing!

The Power of Routine

One of my favorite things about working in the shop on a Saturday was doing the cash. Totaling the till, entering it into the daily record, and totaling the week. Record keeping like this is not a fun thing, but it is necessary – although it was a joy to me, that was because it symbolised my father’s trust.

For him, it was one more thing he had to do each day before he could go home. But, by staying on top of it, he maintained a good understanding of his business and never built up a foreboding stack of admin. This discipline served me well in managing large projects with complex financial administration. It also led me to one of my favorite Project Management rules (sadly missing from my article on 12 Project Management Rules):

Stay on top of your admin… or it will get on top of you.

Mark Milestones

My father was always concerned to mark milestones in his business and family life.  He understood the powerful motivating impact of celebrating successes. As a project manager, I was always keen to use more milestones, rather than fewer for that reason.

And this was a result that Teresa Amabile has found through structured research. People feel more positive and motivated when they can see progress.

What Lessons Did You Learn, from your Father Mother, or Another Significant Figure in Your Life?

I’m especially interested to hear about lessons that, on reflection, have an impact on your approach to or understanding of Project management.